a day in the life experiment

so today i'm going to keep the blogger posting window open all day and periodically post as the day moves on. so for those of you who actually read this blog, this will pretty much guarantee that you don't waste your 30 seconds to come back because you'll be bored to tears to read about what goes on in my typical day. enjoy.

8:48 am-- went to the kitchen to grab a cup of coffee. for the 5th day in a row, the heating element for the coffee was not turned on. maddening. called the re-pete's mo-ther to ask why she's asked me for the florida dates for the 4th time. i smell a plot.

8:49 am-- typed out the first paragraph of this blog.

8:50 am-- opened up itunes and put it on random play.

9:05 am-- talked to our retirement guy at morgan stanley about opening a roth ira. felt a wave of nausea for acting too much like a grownup. pressed on anyway.

9:38 am-- sluffing through the inbox, noticing that things are actually on fire, start to put the fires out. not satisfied with the current itunes mix.

9:39 am-- GETTING FRUSTRATED WITH THE MARDI GRAS PARTY THAT'S TAKING PLACE OUTSIDE MY OFFICE. STFU PEOPLE.

10:40 am-- just got off a 45 minute long conference call with the new adjuster handling my subrogation files. y'all know how i hate change, and this is going to be a significant change. she LOVES the examen updates (translation: it's a huge pain in my ass to update that way) and she generates inactivity reports from it, blah blah blah. basically, just kill me. by the way, i HATE when my computer does that automatic update bullshit. it shut down my whole system while i was on the phone and i can't remember what i was doing. damn you, bill gates.

10:41 am-- what the hell am i going to do for food? i need to go to target, but i don't have the time now. i have a federal court seminar in a little while.

11:06 am-- talked to my child's mo-ther for the second time today. also, can't figure out wth i'm going to do for food. starting to get a skosh cranky b/c i can't go to target and get what i want and i don't want to go out and buy anything.

11:12 am-- interesting curve ball thrown just now. i'm not sure how i want to address it. maybe more later. maybe a non-issue. we'll see.

11:18 am-- moved friday's haircut from 3 pm to noon. i love my haircut girl-- it takes all of 6 minutes (enter your lewd joke here) and i'm out the door. as y'all know, i can't stand for people to touch my head, so i'll pay the extra salon premium for someone who can get me in and out in a little time as possible.

11:47 am-- decided to have a gyro plate, courtesy of the big boss. he usually buys lunch for all of us once a week.

11:48 am-- do you realize how much i have to play game show host in my job? i have to be all pleasant and shit with opposing counsel and act like i care about their hunting/fishing stories (i may be the only male in south louisiana who doesn't go hunting 142 times a year). these guys always ask why i never go on bar association retreats to san destin or the other bar activities. it's getting to the point that i'm actually honest and tell them that i can't stand to be in the same room with 1 lawyer for an extended period of time, much less 250 lawyers over the course of a whole week or weekend. i should've gone to pharmacy school.

12:10 pm-- going to get food, bitches!

1:01 pm-- just dialed in for a federal court teleconference. i'd rather have dental surgery. on an unrelated note, i get 251 emails from Lorman every day for their upcoming CLEs, no matter what state. yes, i'm going to a colorado CLE course which i couldn't use for louisiana. STOP SENDING ME THESE EMAILS.

1:07 pm-- zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

1:26 pm-- this seminar is not even close to what i expected. this is talking about jurisdiction, venue, diversity, etc. this is a warm up of goddamn first year federal procedure, not the nuts and bolts of proper filing procedures. waste.of.time.

1:28 pm-- just realized that i have 2 jury bonds due tomorrow. and i don't see where i requested the money from the client. that means i have to get checks from holly. yikes. she's going to kill me.

1:38 pm-- i really want to go pick up the re-pete from camp.

1:42 pm-- i've tuned the teleconference out and i'm resisting the urge to buy more cds on amazon. i should open an ing account instead.

1:51 pm-- this guy's accent is grating on my ears.

1:53 pm-- have you seen the episode of chappelle's show when he daydreams while people are talking to him? right now, i'm thinking about alaska and how i can find the magic bus from 'into the wild'. is it still there? have they soiled the area by making it a tourist attraction with walking tour? magic bus t-shirts, keychains, stationary? a disney theme park now?

1:57 pm-- can.this.seminar.last.any.longer?????

2:05 pm-- i have too many email addresses. i need to create one address for online bill payments, etc and one for personal stuff. but i never will. i'd rather just bitch about it. also, my work email inbox is cluttered. problem is, it would take me a week of nothing but sifting through the inbox to put emails in the proper folders, print them out, delete unnecessary, etc. that means i'll wait until our IT guy shows up and bitches at us for jamming up the server. good times.

2:08 pm-- talked to J again. she asked me for the fla dates for the 4th time because she hasn't written it down on her calendar at work. so far, there is no evidence of a nefarious plot. i'm not convinced yet. i told her that the dates are, in fact, more etched in stone than the 1o commandments (she loves jesus. i know, jesus had nothing to do with the 10 commandments, being old testament and all, but she won't realize it) and cannot be changed. she wasn't impressed with my humor.

2:18 pm-- food coma has set in. it's only a matter of time before i hit the wall.

2:32 pm-- this guy has gone two minutes over the scheduled seminar time. i have to wait until he's finished because they ask polling questions at the end to verify that you actually sat through the whole thing. like an attorney would actually cheat or something. please. i mean, i've never, ever read a book at the back of a room while a CLE has gone on. never.

2:38 pm-- "go ahead caller, you're on the line." "yeah, this is ___ from syracuse, new yauk, and i'm wondering... " OHMYGOD THAT'S THE WORST YANKEE ACCENT I'VE EVER HEARD IN MY LIFE.

3:18 pm-- do you realize how difficult it is to explain how to create a mass emailing folder to someone who (1) doesn't use the same email software as you, and (2) barely knows how to turn a computer on, much less use it?

3:33 pm-- melissa and i have the funniest IM improv conversations

3:42 pm-- memo to law clerk minions: subject/verb agreement is pretty much a big deal. don't give me a document with improper subject/verb agreement. you tempt fate by handing me something like that. i mean, i would chew my daughter out for something like that-- why should i not throw you through a window?

3:48 pm-- when my boss starts whistling in the halls, it signals that he's about to leave in 30 minutes or less. it's more predictable than domino's delivery.

3:51 pm-- most attorneys in baton rouge are easy to deal with. most attorneys in 'fayette and nola are not.

4:04 pm-- my boss just demanded that we have mandatory phone training to learn what our new automated phone system (which is the devil, btw) can/can't do. even better, it's on friday. I'M OFF ON FRIDAY. guess what-- i'm not going. cambre can train me on the phone system. i'm not interested.

4:21 pm-- i've officially hit the wall. you know there's no turning back when i start watching videos on collegehumor.com.

4:36 pm-- dilemma: should i go ahead to target now to avoid a slight bit of traffic, get it over with, but endure a mass of people, or should i wait until later, have no traffic, less people, but not be finished until 8?

anyway, i can't be arsed to write anything else in this blog today. hasta.