change is hard; apocalyptic mild hope; and audrey horne

'change is hard' is a song by she & him-- it's a sappy little song about lost love, but at least the title fits what's going on lately, especially watching playoff baseball alcohol-free. the apocalyptics went power baseball (unusual) and won a playoff game (more unusual.) and then there's audrey horne-- that's her on the right-- but more about her later.

i did fine last night-- had to watch the game on a big screen, so i went to hooters and slammed about 22 glasses of tea while steve slammed about 12 beers. being in a bubble with the game helped quite a bit, as no one else in the entire place could've given two shits about the game b/c it did not involve LSU. so there i am, cheering, yelling, questioning balls and strikes when the place was deadly quiet aside from the horrible 80's music (they played 'hanging tough', 'careless whisper', and 'mickey', among other travesties), but i didn't care.

now on to something more curious. i'm starting to dream with more frequency and clarity again, and it threw me off a little bit this morning (being thrown off isn't new, as i'm always thrown a bit when i wake up from dreams no matter the content.)

as some of you know, i've been watching 'twin peaks' again. a lot. and i've renewed my crush on audrey horne, a character in the show. i had a thing for her in the original series, and apparently i have the same tastes now as i did then.

anyway, in last night's dream, audrey and i were involved. i don't know if you can characterize it as a relationship, but we were definitely involved. i remember going to see her at what seemed to be a campsite with cabins (this would fit nicely in the 'twin peaks' scenario.) there was some sort of drama going on- i can't remember what- and it felt like our time was fleeting. we spent some time alone, intimate but not sexual, and i remember kissing her.

the scene then shifted, and i was in a movie theater. the place was empty (or so i thought), and i don't remember what was playing. i think it was a baseball game (not strange b/c i had just watched two games), and i was reacting to what was going on. i remember getting up to leave at some point, and as i walked to the back of the theater, i saw jessica at the back row. by the time i was halfway up the aisle, she got up and walked out the door. i didn't chase her, i didn't feel any overwhelming emotion, i was just mildly surprised that she was there.

other things happened that i can't recall (nothing to do with either audrey or jessica), but as i was waking up, i felt this sense of loss, not due to jessica, but due to audrey. it was something of a pang, like i wanted to recreate the moment and just be with her, around her. it took me about 20 minutes of lying there, rallying myself that it was only a dream, to get it going.

of course, i see the parallels between audrey and jessica. but i'm wondering how much my subconscious has orchestrated things. i mean, there are definite parallels between audrey and jessica-- they even look alike-- and i wonder if my subconscious motivated me to dust off 'twin peaks'. anyway, i just found the dream curious and thought i'd share it with y'all. and i find it funny that the one person i want to be with is a character from a television show 17 years old. isnt' that just like me though?

y'all have good days.